by Darcy Pattison

Starting tomorrow:

Villains (3-day series)

The Bad Guys Wear Black

Famous Villains

Creating Villains

Today, I wanted to give you links to a series on National Public Radio about “Vocal Impressions.” Listeners are asked to listen to a variety of voices and then describe that voice. In light of our discussion of voices, it’s fascinating to see how different voices are described. I wonder if the Voice in our writing could be described so variously.

For Example:

Jack NIcholson’s voice sounds like: “A harmonica” ?

Yoanne Chartron Vocal Impressions, Hearing Voices, Round One has voice excerpts/voice descriptions of Morgan Freeman, Marilyn Monroe, Truman Capote and Patsy Cline.

Morgan Freeman’s voice sounds like: “A lion gargling with pebbles”

Susan Sullivan Vocal Impressions, Hearing Voices, Round Two has voice excerpts/voice descriptions of Jack Nicholson, Norah Jones and Cliff Edwards.

Norah Jones’s voice sounds like: “The reflection off a bright red apple”

Clayton Ebenr At Round Two’s site, they are also soliciting descriptions for Vocal Impressions, Hearing Voices, Round Three which has voice excerpts of Sean Connery, Bob Dylan, Odetta, and Mae West. Listen and contribute a description. (They should be playing round three soon; if you hear it, let me know!)

Tomorrow: Villains, Day 1.

by Darcy Pattison This week, the Mystery Writers Association announced the winners of the 2007 Edgars, the best mysteries of the year.

Best Young Adult Winner

Buried by Robin Merrow MacCready (Penguin YR - Dutton Children’s Books)

Other Nominees:

The Road of the Dead by Kevin Brooks (Scholastic - The Chicken House)

The Christopher Killer by Alane Ferguson (Penguin YR - Sleuth/Viking)

Crunch Time by Mariah Fredericks (Simon & Schuster - Richard Jackson Books/Atheneum)

The Night My Sister Went Missing by Carol Plum-Ucci (Harcourt Children’s Books)

Best Juvenile Winner

Room One: A Mystery or Two by Andrew Clements

(Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers)

Other Nominees:

Gilda Joyce: The Ladies of the Lake by Jennifer Allison (Penguin Young Readers - Sleuth/Dutton)

The Stolen Sapphire: A Samantha Mystery by Sarah Masters Buckey (American Girl Publishing)

The Bloodwater Mysteries: Snatched by Pete Hautman & Mary Logue (Penguin Young Readers - Sleuth/Putnam)

The Case of the Missing Marquess: An Enola Holmes Mystery by Nancy Springer (Penguin Young Readers - Philomel/Sleuth)

Has anyone read any of these? Do you agree with the choices?

by Darcy Pattison

This week, I?m revising Paper Lightning: Sparking Student Brainstorming for Effective Prewriting, a teacher resource book that will come out next year. The editor keeps asking me to clarify places and I shoot her back a casual email. She likes ?the you? that comes through in the emails and has asked me to include more of that as I revise. Even in a teacher resource book, which has lots of dry instructions, voice is important. But what is voice? I find it extremely irritating for speakers to say that voice is that ?indefinable quality? about writing that you just know when you hear it. In the last class of my Creative Writing for Children course this semester, the final project was to plot a novel and write the first chapter. Students read the first two pages out loud and each was a study in voice! No two were the same and I definitely wouldn?t confuse Student A?s and Student B?s chapters.

Three Viewpoints

So, in some ways, I would agree with Les Edgerton who says in Finding Your Voice: How to Put Personality into Your Writing, says, voice is your personality on the page. The students? personalities were evident in their topic, genre, language, sentence structures and every other choice they made in writing the chapter. When this doesn?t happen, Edgerton says it?s because writers have an inferiority complex and hold themselves back. They modify their writing to meet some imaginary norm. Often this is done in an attempt to appeal to a wider range of audience. A mistake. Find your audience and let your voice speak directly to them. But saying that Voice is a personality on paper doesn?t help in practical terms, in terms of revising and trying to figure out how to use words, grammar, sentences, passages to express your personality. Dona J. Hickey in Developing a Written Voice, says Voice is ?the writer?s relationship to subject, audience, and occasion as it is revealed through the particular blend of speech patterns you hear as you read.? In other words, the topic, genre and audience can affect how you write. In a more practical vein, though, she says that, ?Voice is the sum effect of all the stylistic choices a writer makes to communicate not only information about a subject but also information about himself or herself to a particular audience.? That begins to bring it into a clearer focus. It?s not just the personality of the writer, but their attitudes, beliefs, feelings about a subject that is conveyed to a certain audience. Still foggy? Hickey tries to make it even more practical she says that the effect of style is voice. That is, style itself (choices about sentence structure, vocabulary, punctuation, etc.) is found in even technical government documents that have a flat voice; but ?the interest is in discovering how certain combinations of stylistic features may create a voice each of us would want to claim as our own.? So, should we try to ?find our voice?? Jane Yolen complicates it a bit more when she says in an excerpt here and in her book, Take Joy: The Writer?s Guide to Loving the Craft, ?The story’s voice. That is what must be uncovered, not discovered. It is not the author’s voice, but the true tone of the tale. ? For example, in fantasy, she describes the ?bardic voice,? in part, as ?full of alliteration, hyperbole. There are chants, lists, spells. Sentences often end in a full stop, the strong stress syllable that reminds the reader of the tolling of a great bell.? She goes on in the book to describe Schoolboy, Josephus, Boogerman, Dark Angel, Midtown Mab, Dave Broder and Hemingway voices in terms of vocabulary, sentences structure, stresses, rhythms and more. ?Voice is the right tone for a story? focuses on considering a particular piece of writing. ?Voice is the effect of style? focuses on the craft of writing and manipulating various elements. ?Voice is personality on paper? focuses on relaxing and being yourself. Donald Murray tries to untangle these in his book, The Craft of Revision, 4th Edition (NOT the Fifth edition, which omits the chapter, ?Rewrite with Voice?: ?Many of the qualities writers call voice have been called style in the past, but writers today generally reject that term. Style implies something that can be bought off the rack, something that can be easily imitated. Tone is another word used, but it seems limited to one aspect of writing. Voice is a more human term, and one with which we are familiar.? Hold on. It gets even muddier, because we can not only talk about Bardic Voices, but also formal versus colloquial voices. Confused? Yes. I understand why editors resist defining voice, why they insist they know it when they hear it, but they can?t use words to explain it. Voice is all of these things: tone, style, personality, formal, bardic and much more. Voice comes in as many varieties as humans. How then, can we approach studying voice and trying to ?find our voices? or ?find the right voice for this story??

My Priority: Revision Strategies

In the end, I want something practical, not mystical. I thought about what Stephanie said in the comments last week: ?I think though, that it’s a give and take between mysticism and conscious choice that emerges during the revision process.? She may be right that voice is both the conscious and subconscious–the right brain and the left brain–that combine to create something distinctive as you revise. But even if she?s right, it doesn?t lead me to a revision strategy that works. For me, the best way into voice is through style. I find that as I focus on matters of style?of craft?that my subconscious does the other work of straightening out plot, character, dialogue and other story elements; as I focus on matters of style?of craft?voice does emerge. Maybe in the end, I don?t care about a definition of voice either. What I care about is a revision strategy that helps me find the right voice for this story. Style does that for me: consideration of vocabulary, sentences, punctuation, rhythms, formality, etc. lets me reach for voice in a practical way, while freeing my subconscious to do its work. Focusing on style to reach for voice has one big advantage to me as a teacher: it keeps me from interfering with a student?s voice. Several years ago, the local university where I teach held a Freshman Writing conference, which consisted of freshman reading papers written in Freshman Composition class. Freshman Composition is a strange class because I almost never get the A/B students: they test out or go to the Honors College. I almost never get the D/F students: they don?t come to college. Instead, I get a strange mix of B/C/D students and usually, they dread my class and expect it to be one of the hardest classes they take; they plan their schedules around my class, giving them plenty of time before (so they can work at the last minute) and plenty of time after (so they can moan about the difficulties the class imposes). That year, though, I had a student who had come back to college after laying out for a while and, really, he shouldn?t have been in Freshman Composition, his writing was so good. His essay won first place in the Freshman Writing Conference, which carried a nice cash prize that year. Another professor commented on the excellence of his writing and I responded that he was easy to teach because he came in writing well. ?Oh,? the professor said, ?those are the hard ones because you have to try hard not to destroy their voices.? That surprised me. Why would teaching destroy their voice? Oh, believe me, I know it happens. But not in my teaching. When I focus on giving writers (even freshman writers) choices about style, they make choices that strengthen their voices. Focusing on ?personality on paper? exercises seems too vague for my tastes as a teacher. But style gives writers something concrete to work on, to focus on; yet, while their focus is on these style elements, other?very good and very interesting?things happen sideways. In the end, it?s the revision that matters. My students revise their first essay for me eight times, focusing each time on a specific style issue. They often say, ?This is the best thing I?ve ever written.? Duh. It?s the only thing they?ve revised eight times. It?s the only time their voice has ever been so strong.

Next week: Word Choices that Affect Voice Subscribe at Feedburner

by Darcy Pattison

Funds for Writers website lists grants for writers.

What do you think of book covers with only an image and no words?

I’ve been in a strange place for the last six months, essentially revising my life and writing life. Lots of family situations converged and I knew that I’d better find new strategies for writing, such as the Friday Ideas.

Things are looking calmer: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I’m again thinking about revising my life for summer. What sorts of habits and daily rhythms will help me write more, write better, write smarter? What are your daily writing habits? How do they change for the summer?

Tomorrow: Voice Friday

by Darcy Pattison

Summary of changes: Build on strengths of voice, rhythm, dialogue

With first editor: cut two chapters add two chapters strengthen sibling relationships flesh out a couple characters adjust the main characters attitudes

With Strauss-Gabel: define emotional argument strengthen emotional arc demonstrate shifting friendships earlier and stronger new chapter omit chapter move events around strengthen time line

Prevailing attitude of author during these changes: Interest Enthusiasm Willing to solve problems Sense of play Trust of editorial judgment

Dutton editor Julie Strauss-Gabel says the first thing that grabbed her attention about Lauren Myracle?s Eleven, was its strong voice. (The sequel, Twelve was released March, 2007. Myracle is also the author of L8r, G8r, and other Internet Girls novels) Though Strauss-Gabel came to the project late (the editor who acquired the manuscript and worked on early revisions had moved to another publishing house), she acknowledged that Eleven would certainly have caught her eye from the start.

Discussing the strengths of the story, Strauss-Gabel said, “Lauren really knew her main character. Winnie was flamboyant and had a great sense of self.”

“Totally DEAD ON” is how Strauss-Gabel described the character relationships. “The dialogue and rhythms between them took me right back to sixth grade (a sometimes very scary place to be!).”

Myracle had already cut two chapters, added two chapters, worked on the sibling relationships, fleshed out a couple characters, and adjusted the main characters attitudes. Building on the revision that had already been done, Myracle and Strauss-Gabel worked together to further define the “emotional argument” of the story, addressing the plot as it served the emotions of the story and moving some events to create a stronger emotional arc. The shifting friendships, so typical of eleven year olds, also had to be demonstrated earlier and stronger.

The revisions involved a new chapter, omitting another chapter, moving other events around, and strengthening the time line to better hold together the episodic nature of the story. Myracle responded to the ongoing revisions process with interest and enthusiasm.

Strauss-Gabel says, “A great reviser takes on the challenge of problem solving.

The author says, “I accept that I need to play with this.”

Strauss-Gabel and Myracle continue to build on their strong working relationship-including their ability to trust each other through the revision process-on future projects for Dutton.

Note: Originally published in Children’s Writer’s Guide 2004.

Story openings often hold the entire story in an encapsulated form. Susan Lumenello discussed this in her article, “The Promise of the First Line,” (The Writer’s Chronicle, Volume 38, Number 3, December 2005. 57-59). Her basic premise was that the first line promises something that should be fulfilled in the rest of the story.

“They murdered him.”

 This opening of Robert Cormier?s novel, The Chocolate War  is perhaps the ultimate example from a YA/teen novel. It begins with the main character, a scrawny kid, trying to play football and getting “murdered.” The whole story is in that opening, as the main character refuses to sell chocolates and is eventually beaten and almost killed.

I wondered if I could find examples from children’s novels for each of the type of lines she mentioned. It’s hard to find a couple of them, but mostly her categories translate well to our genres. I’m not convinced I have the best examples yet. They fit into the category, but don’t always encapsulate the entire story. Any suggestions for better examples are welcome!

Of course, not every story starts with a line that encapsulates the story. But I love it when they do and I’m always thinking about this as a possibility as I revise first lines. Types of openings, when to use them:

1. It was. . .

Freedom and flexibility. Anything can come after the “It was. . .” including abstract images, a synopsis, a setting, etc. To the reader it signals authority. Downside is possible over familiarity.

 Example: Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities. “It was the best of times, it was the worse of times, etc.”

 Hard to find an example from children’s literature. Any suggestions?

2. Viewpoint on life

Present a “my philosophy.” Instant structure, because the author must prove/disprove thesis presented. A bit old fashioned.

Ex. Tolstoy in Anna Karenina. “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

“They murdered him.” The Chocolate War, by Robert Cormier.

“Getting dressed was always the hardest part of the afternoon.” Pretties, by Scott Westerfeld.

3. Mid-action

Assumes that reader will care about the characters. It risks that the reader will ask “why?” instead of “who cares?”

Ex. Charlotte Bronte in Jane Eyre. “There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.”

“Jiaan ducked, and a bronze cup shaped like a ram?s horn crashed into the wall behind him.”  Fall of a Kingdom, Book 1 of the Farsala Trilogy, by Hilari Bell

4. Spoken word–dialogue

Signals of novel of relationships and of truth-telling or its opposite.

Risky because the reader must immediately care.

Ex. Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: “Tom!”

“Ida B.,” Mama said to me on one of those days that start right and just keep heading toward perfect until you go to sleep, “when you’re done with the dishes, you can go play. Daddy and I are going to be working till dinner.”  Ida B and Her Plans to Maximize Fun, Avoid Disaster, and (Possibly) Save the World,  by Katherine Hannigan. (Spanish version )

5. Landscape

Signals the importance of place and how LIKE a particular place their characters are.

Ex. Edith Wharton in Ethan Frome. “The village lay under two feet of snow, with drifts at the windy corners.” (The character is cold and “buried”, too.)

“Rain fell that night, a fine whispering rain.” Inkheart by Cornelia Funke

 ”The scent of wood smoke and roses always took him back there, to the boy he was and would never be again.” The Warrior Heir  by Cinda Williams Chima.

6. Alternative Media

Rely on other forms to tell a story such as letters, diary, autobiography, schedules, official papers, etc. Gives the author some authority. The important thing is how the form is exploited. Some forms give opportunity for an intimate voice, such as diaries.

Ex. Mary Shelley in Frankenstein begins with a letter.

“This article was posted on the fairy Internet, on the site www.horsesense.gnom. It is believed that this site is maintained by the centaur Foaly, technical consultant to the Lower Elements Police, although this has never been proved.” Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception  by Eoin Colfer.

7. Set up

Most blatant story-telling style. Honest approach. Allows author to start a story fast.

Ex. Jeffrey Eugenides in The Virgin Suicides. “On the morning the last Lisbon daughter took her turn at suicide–it was Mary this time, and sleeping pills, like Therese–the two paramedics arrived at the house knowing exactly where the knife drawer was, and the gas oven and the beam in the basement from which it was possible to tie a rope.? ”

“This story begins within the walls of a castle with the birth of a mouse.” Tale of Despereaux,  by Kate di Camillo  (Spanish version)

8. Screenplay

Minimalist fashion.

Establishes immediacy and imprints reader with a moment or image.

Ex. Zadie Smith in White Teeth. “Early in the morning, late in the century, Cricklewood Broadway.”

Any suggestions for children’s literature?

9. Let’s meet Joe

Promises a character-centered story from viewpoint of omniscient and opinionated narrator. Unlike “set-up” this approach offers no particular narrative promise, only that it will be about this character. Often signals a morality tale or at least a cautionary lesson: there’s no use meeting Joe is there’s not point to meeting him.

Ex. Lewis Carroll in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.  “Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, ‘and what is the use of a book,’ thought Alice, ‘without pictures or conversation?’”

Any suggestions for children’s literature?

10. ?Let?s meet Joe, my friend.?

Still observational, but from a first-person vantage. Ex. Jack Kerouac in On the Road. ?I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. ?My cousin Duke?s troubles on the river started the day he dangled me off the wagon wheel bridge.? Horns and Wrinkles by Joseph Helgerson.

11. Misleading lines or lines that need the second, or succeeding lines, to get the full impact

Ex. Camus in The Stranger. ?Mother died today. Or, maybe, yesterday, I can?t be sure.? Any suggestions?

At our Arkansas SCBWI conference last week, Liz Waniewski (ONE–es-key), Dial editor, kept track of her slush pile pb submissions by category. Here are the top 12 picturebook topics that she received–thus, the top 12 to avoid!

Good examples of these topics are given, because we need to know our competition. If a topic is blank–help me out by suggesting your favorite in these categories.

1. First Day at School 19 Girls and Me by Darcy Pattison. (Obviously–my book! If you’ve read it, please review it on Amazon! Thanks!)

2. Cleaning up your room Clean Your Room, Harvey Moon by Pat Cummings.

3. Tooth fairy The Bear’s Toothache by David McPhail. A Little Brown editor once commented that this book has been in print continuously for 20 years and is still a steady seller for them. She said she’d love to see books that address kid-friendly topics in such a unique way. NOT strictly a tooth fairy book, because the fairy is just implied at the end. Still–it’s a book about losing teeth and it’s competition if you write this kind of story.

4. Christmas/Halloween Suggestions?

5. Wanting a pet Nominations?

6. Dealing with a disability (thus, message-driven) Hard topic to do well!

7. “Hi! My name is. . . and I am seven years old!” Suggestions?

8. Visiting Grandma and Grandpa.  Nominations?

9. New baby Favorites. Perhaps, Moo Baa La La La or the Spanish version.

10. Barnyard stories (! She wasn’t sure why she was getting barnyard stories, but there they were! Rural nostalgia?) Hattie and the Fox by Mem Fox. A classic!

11. Bedtime stories Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown. 60th Anniversary Edition!Spanish version

12. Personal hygiene.Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series)

by Darcy Pattison

Since I’m talking about the Writer’s Voice on Friday, this might be of interest. The Arkansas SCBWI (Society of Children’s Bookwriters and Illustrators) will host a retreat on September 28-30, 2007 on Voice: The Writer as Ventriloquist. There are only two or three openings left. Hope you can join us!

by Darcy Pattison

On Friday’s, I’ll be posting on the topic of “The Writer’s Voice.” We all know how important it is; but discussions of voice are too often, well, vague. I’ll be exploring how we can consciously create a voice that brings a particular story to life. Today–just listen to some unique voices.

Listen

For best results, read these aloud. Listen: Once upon a time there was a pair of pants. They were an essential kind of pants?jeans, naturally, blue but not that stiff, new blue that you see so often on the first day of school. They were a soft changeable blue with a little extra fading at the knees and the seat and white wavelets at the cuffs. ( The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares)

Today was a terrible day. It started when I dropped my pencil. Miss Tyler asked, ?Ronald Morgan, why are you crawling under the table like a snake?? Now all the children call me Snakey ( Today was a Terrible Day by Patricia Reilly Giff)

March 20 Mom says there are three things I should always remember:

1. The earth gives us everything we need.

2. When we dig tunnels, we help take care of the earth.

3. Never bother Daddy when he?s eating the newspaper.

( Diary of a Worm by Doreen Cronin)

The sea, the sea, the sea. It rolled and rolled and called to me. Come in, it said, come in. And in I went, floating, rolling, splashing, swimming and the sea called, Come out, come out, and further I went but always it swept me back to shore. And still the sea called, Come out, come out, and in boats I went?in rowboats and dinghies and motorboats, and after I learned to sail, I flew over the water, with only the sounds of the wind and the water and the birds, all of them calling, Sail on, sail on. ( The Wanderer by Sharon Creech)

Do you hear the voice of each of these pieces? Does it draw you into the story? In your story, how do you create a distinctive voice?

Renni Browne and Dave King, authors of Self-Editing for Fiction Writers have this advice about voice:

Conscious work on your writer?s voice is often self-defeating. For one thing, it tends to create prose that’s stylistically” self-conscious. For another, when you spend your creative energy in the service of the way your sentences read as prose, it?s likely to be at the expense of your characters or story. Concentrate on your characters, concentrate on your story, and let your voice take care of itself.”

Nonsense.

A writer can and should pay attention to voice. In this uncertain business, nothing should be left to take care of itself. Not characters, not plot, and certainly not voice, which is what many editors say is the key to their decision to acquire.(Note: I often recommend Browne and King?s book! This is one of the few points where I disagree with them!)

Even the Federal government acknowledges the importance of voice: you can’t copyright an idea, but the particular expression of that idea. What you copyright is your presentation, your style, your voice. Of course, having a particular style doesn’t necessarily mean an appealing voice.

It may be a flat, utilitarian voice, say, of a cell phone user?s guide:

“About the Antennas

Your phone is equipped with three antennas. The internal antenna is always active. The whip antenna is activated when the whip antenna is fully extended. The GPS antenna is also internal and is activated when placing emergency calls or when the Location sharing feature is activated. For more information on Location sharing, see ?GPS (location sharing)” on page 110. (Nokia 3585i User?s Guide)

That piece of writing has voice just as surely as the examples above. And it’s an appropriate voice, one that fits the needs of the User’s Guide. Every piece of writing you do has a voice–for better or worse. What we’ll consider is how to create an appealing voice, one that helps tell your story better.

Voice: A Conscious Choice

I do not approach voice as mysticism: dig deep and let your true inner self come out.

Instead, I think it?s something that can be learned. Look. As writers we have words, sentences, punctuation, passages and stories. That’s it. There are no secrets, no hidden tools. We can look at each of the components and consider how each contributes to voice. Browne and King warned us against concentrating on voice alone. But too often, we are self-educated writers and we’ve never learned to approach voice with any sort of craft. I firmly believe that you need to study vocabulary, sentences, sentence patterns, intonation patterns, rhythm?in short, the choices we have available?to understand our options. Otherwise, the path to a distinctive voice is a haphazard gamble. Voice is important; voice sells; and voice can be consciously created. Do you have a short example of a voice that you love?

Next Friday: Defining Voice

by Darcy Pattison

Notes

Personally, I don’t read many online reviews of books; I look for blogs or postings on the craft of writing (Like this posting.)

But the reviewing are of the online children?s literature community has been discussing this week who can review and why. If you take a free book from a publisher (as opposed to an ARC) does that make you biased? Things like that. This posting summarizes the arguments, provides links to the main discussion points and makes a nice statement herself.

I’m enjoying the occasional postings on the Book Design Review blogwhich shows how the book covers differ in the US and the UK. The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable is posted now.

Bookcase doors to hide a room.

If you are writing hooks for your story here are some samples with critiques of why they work. Or don’t.

Novel Revision: “I believe discipline, focus, napping and eyebrow grooming are all essential to the process.”